"Allah menetapkan (menjamin) kebahagiaan bagi suami dan isteri yangbertaqwa kepada Allah pada pasangan mereka, Allah juga menjamin kebahagiaan bagi rumah yang didirikan atas dasar pemeliharaan hak dan pelaksanaan tanggungjawab."
Being mujahid's wife!
In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Compassionate!
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, peace and blessings be upon the best creation of Allah, his family and companions. And then:
Yes, Jihad is a men's privilege but behind every mujahid there are women: his mother, grandmothers, sisters, wives etc, who took part in his journey. And frequently it is the wife that understands and supports her husband in his choice, and who shoulders part of privation and hardships of Jihad.
It is hard to overestimate the importance that a husband plays in every woman's life, just consider how Allah, Great and Glorious He is, created Hava, and realize that it is not easy for a rib to be without the body, while the body can do without the rib. In this essay I would like to talk about our sisters that provide a reliable rear to our brothers-mujahideen.
Here came that day when your husband embarked on Allah's path. How much he dreamed or you both dreamed, how much did he prepare for it, sitting literally "on suitcases" (on a rucksack to be more precise), and you aspired to this great favor and blessing, recognizing that award for that would be very great. And the door closed after him, and you are left alone in your house where so recently together you happily dreamed and contemplated about the future. From this moment on your are not just the wife of a good Muslim, your are the wife of a mujahid!
Your heart is filled with joy, pride for your husband, bitterness and pain of partying. You feel in heart emptiness, tears fill your eyes, but you say to yourself: "Be patient, the servant of Allah! Is not that what you wanted? Is not that what you dreamed of? Take pride, your husband is not the slave of Dinar, not a coward nor is he a traitor, he is one of the best on Earth, he is a mujahid on the way to Allah!"
I want to touch on a couple of moments which you are likely to encounter or which you have already encountered. Possibly, our sisters will supplement my words with their own recounts, and I think it is of interest to Ummah what it is like to be a mujahid's wife, what our sisters endure in this journey, what hurdles lie on their way. This essay is meant to prepare those who have not yet embarked on Jihad with their husbands for what will likely wait them once they have begun this journey. Those who have long threaded this path could enhance my work with their stories. And I ask Allah to make this trivial effort of mine an investment into the preparing and rallying to Jihad for His sake, Great and Glorious Be He, and for the good of Islam and Muslims.
You are the mujahid's wife. He's gone, and you should not hope to see him back soon, or better prepare yourself for an idea of never seeing him again. Your husband has not gone on vacation, around-the -world journey, or to make an earning. He has set out on a better enterprise, for a higher earning- to earn you a place in Heaven.
"Setting out on Allah's way in the morning or evening is better than all that world and what it entails".
But this work is not meant to expound on the pros of the Jihad, for many a book has been written on this issue by pioneers as well as by subsequent generations. And from time to time you should read these volumes or listen to lections on this topic in order to prop up your intention and heart to your endeavor.
Of course, in the beginning you will miss him, which is natural for humans. Nevertheless, we will receive a higher award when we sacrifice on our salvation journey to Allah what we love most.
And Allah said:
"Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not".
He also said:
"By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless ye give (freely) of that which ye love; and whatever ye give, of a truth Allah knoweth it well".
And you should think as if you sacrificed your husband on the way to Allah. You did not stand in his way to Jihad, you did not try to talk him out of his intent nor did you help Iblis to turn him astray from this noble veneration. You supported your husband in his endeavor, and I ask Allah to bestow upon you the same or similar reward like the one he will grant your husband, like the one he will give to him who pointed to godliness or preached faithfulness.
Therefore you should not grieve, on the contrary, you should fight negative feelings, remember the reward, and start doing something important (about this later Insha'Allah). In the beginning everything will remind you of him: that cup, from which he drank, that shirt, which he wore, the hair from his beard...Leave these memories, nobody will carry anything with him from this world into his grave, and nothing belongs to us in the real sense. Only Allah- Master of everything, and He according to his mercy will bestow immeasurable riches on his faithful slaves in Heaven, and there is our true habitat, and here- even our body will rot to bones, however beautiful it would have been during a person's life. Meanwhile, you have more important things to do...
After you have recovered and come over the distress of partying, you should take care of shielding your husband- what to say to his and your parents, relatives and friends. Of course, you have decided beforehand what you would say to them, and your task is to act as really as possible, not giving away your husband and yourself. Consider yourself as pursuing Jihad, too- you help safeguard the mujahid, provide his alibi.
If you live far away from your relatives you should try to make them think he is with you, just is asleep or has stepped out without his mobile phone. If you live with or close to them you should not reveal your secret through your tears, sad and gloomy look, and hesitant answers to their questions about where your husband is. And the most important of all- do not spill the beans, do not converse with even "very trusted sisters", there should be no correspondence or indiscreet visiting of "Jihadist" websites with leaving your feedback, which may help your acquaintances find out your secret.
Keep in mind that this is amanat, violation of which could cost not just your husband's life but also court collapse of the whole operation and Jamaat. During the first phase your biggest task is the shielding of your husband and keeping your mouth shut. Of course, it is tempting to cry out to the world: "I am the wife of a mujahid!" Feel shy before Allah, ask yourself if this will be a display, and are you truly sincere before Him?!
Remember Hadith in Abu Hurairah's words; may Allah be pleased with him, what the disciple of Allah, may peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:
"Allah the Almighty said: "I by no means call for anyone to give away their associates; if anyone does something not only for my sake, but for the sake of someone else, I will rebuff them and their polytheism!"
Are you really ready to forfeit the award so that someone could say: "She is the wife of a mujahid?" Believe me, it is not worth it because it will not raise your position before Allah if you are not sincere before Allah, and these people will not be able to help you. So you should resist small and big Shirk like your husband set out to fight against Infidelity and its proponents to elevate Allah's message, similarly you should elevate the word of Allah in your heart and intent.
These are two important steps- get rid of miserable thoughts, keep purity of your undertaking and shield your husband. Afterwards, you will need consistency because it is a human's feature to unwind and be self-contained. Do not relax, enemies of Allah and Shay tan are waiting for you to calm down and divulge information to them. Behave as a usual married Muslim, busy with her routine chores; act as if you are not an ultra-religious or intellectual, not good at anything except housekeeping, bringing up children, knitting etc.
Believe me, there are many sisters who think that the war in Chechnya ended under Boris Yeltsin, and now there is peace and harmony over there, as the media are trying to portray. Blend with others, do not be conspicuous. You should realize that it is really important since so many of our courageous brothers were caught by infidels because of the indiscreetness of their wives, oftentimes even not taking part in combative operations.
If it came to light where your husband is, your house was searched, and then you were summoned to give information, use you cunning; lie without shame because war is cunning. Secondly, you should prepare for this unpleasant meeting in advance, take away all flash cards, disks and even a laptop, because all info bearing devices will taken from you.
Naturally, you should have erased or encoded all compromising information, family photos without a hijab, your husband's photos with his brothers etc. Secondly, use Allah's protection against them, read a lot of Duas and prayers in their presence. Allah the Almighty is your Allah as well as theirs, and these are just His miserable slaves that were brave enough to declare war to the Almighty of all creation. And do you think they will be victorious? Of course not, and the truth is on your side, regardless of however and with whatever Shay tan and his adherents may try to scare you.
And these miserable people search your house, which is unspeakable, but these are their methods. During the questioning they may "provide evidence" that your husband had a second wife or even a "mistress". They will show his correspondence with her or "photos", and all this is for Shaytan to play on your emotions to make you divulge information. Do not take the bait, however jealous you might be, this is not the moment for jealousy. Of course, you may lie that he has given you a divorce and you have had high-strung relations- this is your personal matter, if it is useful then lie without shame.
Everyone's situation is different: someone embarks on Jihad together with husband; someone else has an opportunity to meet every now and then, living in the Caucasus Emirate; some have husbands working underground, staying at home; yet others have to live far from the homeland and relatives.
Almost in all situations in spreading your secret (that you are mujahid's wife) plays such an important factor as Muslims themselves (certainly, not without our help). Unfortunately, that is so. "Muslim radio" may be the fastest medium of disseminating information (by the way, often misleading) around the world.
I would not say that ill-intentioned, envious and cynical brothers and sisters do that, on the contrary, it may be those who sincerely wish all the best for you and all Mujahideen, they sympathize and empathize with you, therefore they cannot help but share with their friends the news that your husband is mujahid. But often their help does not extend further than furtive conversations after which they will disperse.
I address all brothers and sisters if you know or suspect that somebody of your acquaintances has embarked on Jihad, do not discuss it among you, if discussions do not entail anything concrete. How much gossip these discussions have generated, how much superfluous information was broadcast on the "Muslim radio" that possibly harmed many a brother and sister, and you will not learn it!
Be afraid of Allah and remember a Hadith:
"The sign of good observance to Islam is one's rejection of what does not concern him",
"It is inadmissible to inflict harm without cause, and inflict harm in response".
If you really want and can help, then do it quietly and unobtrusively.
Another factor in disseminating information is children. In principle, they cannot be blamed, because even we, adults, sometimes act like children, willing to share with the entire world our happiness that we participate in Jihad.
Nevertheless, if you have children teach them from childhood to keep their mouth shut, not to speak with strangers, and if you are not sure they will be able to shut their mouth it will be better not to tell them anything. You will have to come up with a reasonable answer to questions like "where is Father?" However, you must not lie like infidels who after divorce tell their children that their father died. You'd better say: he is busy, cannot come but he loves and misses you a lot. But I advocate another variant, one in which children from childhood are taught to observe amanat and to love Jihad, telling about virtues of Martyrdom on the way to Allah, otherwise how can we bring up a future generation of decent Mujahideen that will replace their fathers? And let their fathers be the example for them.
If you want to explain a child everything in the way he will be able to understand, teach him about the religion, it will take considerable amount of time, but the fruits of your efforts, if Allah wishes, will be soon visible. It is very easy to lie to the child, but he senses when he is deceived. When he is treated like an adult, entrusting him with a secret, this educates him responsibility and how to be self-contained in his speeches.
Another problem that you might encounter is financial security. Previously your husband brought "bread" to home, and when leaving he might have ensured that one of his brothers took care of you.
Unfortunately, it happens sometimes that after you have left those who promised to help you fell short on their promises, though they assured your husband that they would help you for the sake of Allah. Do not despair. Be confident, Allah will not leave you because it He who distributes wealth among people, and ask only him for help. Risk may come from where you would not expect it.
It is likely that after your husband's departure you will often have to interact with men. If in the past your husband solved all questions now his chores are your responsibility. Sometimes you have to think where to get money to buy food, go to the market, or, if you have children, you will have to go with them and they will scatter in different directions, grabbing products from stalls, you will get nervous, and then with a cart, a pile of bags, with children holding on to both sides of the cart you will go home- and here you will remember that how good it was when your husband brought products home, and you did not need to go out in the street, talk to strange men or push your way through the crowd.
The computer broke down, wiring needs renovation, the sink has been clogged up, the youngest son needs to be circumcised- you understand how much you need your husband.
And in bringing up children the lack of man's influence becomes noticeable, you have to play the role of a father and mother simultaneously. And it seems nobody understands you, everyone has their own problems, and nobody cares about you, you are left alone.
Allah's disciple (pbuh), said:
"The warrior departing on a journey of Allah himself took part in it and replacing the member of such a journey by yourself in taking care of his family, took part in the journey, too".
Many of our sincere brothers think that if they gave sadaka to the mujahid's family, they replaced him in taking care of his family. Reward you Allah for your sacrifice and make it hard on the gauge of your righteous deeds (amen).
Let once more read Hadith:
"and replacing by yourself the member of such a journey in taking care of his family, took part in his journey".
Here it means not just financial security, even if a person cannot sacrifice anything for the mujahid's family, he can substitute him by himself in taking care of his family. Buy for them food and bring products (even if not spending you own money), repair something in the house, look after the children- the list is long, if you are married it is easier for you to understand what the family might need and what means "care" of it. Trust me; sometimes it is much more important than money.
And to you, sister, I want to say: unfortunately, you will have to interact with strange men. If you have relatives- mahram, it is great mercy, they will look after you. And if you do not, I tell you first and foremost to be afraid of Allah, for it is the foundation of success in everything.
And Allah the Almighty said:
"But Allah will deliver the righteous to their place of salvation: no evil shall touch them, nor shall they grieve".
Be concise in your speeches, do not prolong the conversation and do not get into idle talk. Your piety is your best deposit.
And Allah said:
"And whatever good ye do, (be sure) Allah knoweth it. And take a provision (With you) for the journey, but the best of provisions is right conduct. So fear Me, o ye that are wise".
"But the raiment of righteousness,- that is the best".
Your religion and righteousness will serve you good protection from temptation that will come to you from different sides in different outfits. A month will pass, and then six months, and a year since you last saw your husband.
Your friends get pregnant, give birth, and you forgot what it means when there is a man beside you. Possibly, Shay tan will start tempting you, wishing to rob you of this great blessing- to be a mujahid's wife. And here your piety and righteousness will come in handy.
Once again remember your intent, ask yourself for what you suffer these hardships? For what have you chosen this path?
To consume time and make it seem less protracted you need to start doing something useful. Learn the religion, every day read the Koran, perform Hatm (full reading of the Koran), fast on Mondays and Thursdays, stay through nightly prayers, more often be in commemoration of Allah, for during the commemoration of Allah hearts calm down, as Allah the Almighty said about this:
"Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction".
Do not forget in your Duas to ask for help and victory for our brothers- mujahideen in the entire world and Allah's help is near! You can learn this Dua from the Koran:
"Our Lord! Pour out constancy on us and make our steps firm: Help us against those that reject faith".(2:250)
Attend fewer women's conferences; sadly, nowadays one rarely sees women, congregated for Allah's remembrance. They drink tea, chatter, and associate - anything except lecturing each other on decency, commemorating Allah, and consolidating ummah. For some reason it became awkward to remind each other of Allah, your responsibilities, and to promote the godliness whereas it is very timely to gossip under the pretext "we do not call names" (without names it is clear about who you talk), "to learn a lesson from this history", (for some reason we do not learn lessons from the disciples' history). Do not take this as a reproach, this is a sad reality.
Possibly, you will be better- off if you stay away from interacting with people except for a handful of them. And it is better for you to be in your home, and ordered Allah the wives of the Prophet (pbuh): "Remain in your homes..." so and you follow their suit. If you get sad and lonely, remember the grave in which you will lie alone, without light and friends, without the Internet and books. And you stay before Allah by yourself, as Allah said about His slaves:
"And everyone of them will come to Him singly on the Day of Judgment".
So stock up while you have time and do not be distracted by frivolous matters and talks.
Endure distress with forbearance. Allah promised to test us:
"Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere".
And also said:
"And We shall try you until We test those among you who strive their utmost and persevere in patience; and We shall try your reported (mettle)".
The reward for patience is inestimable for the Almighty said:
"Those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure".
My Muslim sister, in truth, I want to give you only ingenious advice and, first and foremost, I teach myself. I do not have any desire to lecture you or rise above you. If my words contain anything that hurt you, I ask you for Allah's sake to forgive me. It is impossible to lay out in one essay the entire life of a mujahid's wife, the above written is just a draft which may serve someone a sketch to get an idea of the whole picture.